Masters, Senior Reverends, Reverends, and all follow disciples, good evening! Just now, we listened to Reverend Lian Chio and Master Lian Chuan talk about interpersonal relationships. In reality, to master relationships between people may be the hardest thing; it is not simple at all. I personally think that what Master Lian Chuan just said was very accurate. We, as spiritual cultivators, need to focus on correcting ourselves, our own conduct, and our own hearts, and we should not focus on correcting others. What she said was very accurate. During her speech, Rev. Lian Chio kept on expressing her gratitude that everybody is taking care of her. Yet she never mentioned how she takes care of others. She did not even mention how to take care of others. She only brought up that masters are taking care of her, reverends are taking care of her, and the follow disciples are also very kind and are taking care of her; she is very grateful about that. On the other hand, she needs to learn how to take care of others, and this is very important. You can not expect others to always take care of you and not return the same care to others. The caring should be mutual; not only from one side.

In your own life, the most difficult person to get along with is your spouse. Getting along with your spouse is the most intricate thing. I do not believe a couple can get along with each other perfectly all the way from the beginning of their marriage life until old age. However, I do believe one thing; that the reason couples stay together until old age is because they have already massaged each other to a point where there are no more edges to rub off. Yeah, no more edges need to be rubbed off. The mutual understanding is already there, and that is why there is no need to say anymore as there is no need to say anything. When one person starts to say something, the other person already knows what the person wants to say, so there is no need to say it. Whatever I said, she already knew, so she does not need to say anything either. This way we can maintain our relationship until old age. It is impossible for a couple to stay together and still maintain the same love they had when they were first married. Instead, we have transformed our hearts and give our attention to our sons, daughters, and grandchildren, and now we get joy from our grandchildren. You said it is from marriage that you have received the joy that lasts until old age, and to maintain this same joy it is very precious.
 
What I meant is that in interpersonal relationship it is very difficult for a couple to get to understand each other very well, especially if there is no mutual understanding. In a group, if you can get along with all members in the group, that means you have a very good personality, since only a person with a good demeanor can get along with people well and be accepted. Personally, if Shi Zun wants to get angry, there are so many things Shi Zun can get upset about. Since the possibilities are unlimited, there is no need to get upset or angry. Let us pick a simple example: after we completed our last ceremony, we invited many guests of honor from the community, which included journalists. There was a journalist from a newspaper who published an article. The president of AAA TV called us immediately and faxed the newspaper article to us. Master Lian Xiang (Shi Mu) brought the article to me so I could read it. People commented that it was not well written. So I read the article thoroughly from beginning to end, and I said: “it is well written, there is not anything wrong.” They said that there was one sentence that was not well written, so I asked which one. They said the last statement; someone criticized Shi Zun, saying he accepted money through “uncustomary” standards. It is written in Chinese, the four words are translated to English as “uncustomary acceptance of money”. In general term, this means you accept other people’s money through the “non-customary” way.· That’s called “uncustomary” acceptance of money.

However, Shi Zun’s point of view is different from everyone else’s; the “uncustomary acceptance money” is very good. Why? If I appropriately accepted money by customary traditions, then our temple in Seattle would not be this small. Just because I accepted money through “non-customary” way and that is why the True Buddha School is like a group of itinerant workers (beggars). If we accepted money through the customary traditions, our temple would be unimaginably huge. We would have numerous large hospitals, maybe even two, three, four, or five. That is accepting money through the customary traditions. However, just because we are “uncustomary” in the acceptance of money, it is impossible for us to gain that much money, and we stay poor.

From the beginning, our temple in Seattle until now, has always being this way - everything is voluntary, for donations, it is up to disciples to follow their hearts; there is never a set amount to give. This practice is passed down from my teacher (Taoist Monk Ching Zhen); we can not set a fixed amount, and cannot set a fixed rule on offering. We accept voluntary offerings from everybody; we can not ask for money, and there is no set price for registering for a ceremony. This is called “uncustomary acceptance money”. Other sects, who use “customary acceptance of money”, set a fixed price of five hundred dollars as an entrance fee to a Dharma ceremony.· Imagine how much money can be generated form the entrance fees alone at a Dharma ceremony!· They set a fixed price to perform a Dharma ceremony and even the entrance ticket has a cost of hundreds or thousands of dollars. They even set a price for a speech. We never do that. That is why I felt the journalist was very accurate when he wrote that we are “uncustomary in the acceptance of money.” That is the reason we are like a group of itinerant workers (beggars).

When you see our True Buddha School’s students, do you see one who is the president or chief executive of a large corporation? Even if there are any, they are hiding. They are afraid to say they are rich and have a lot of money, just because they are afraid that we will accept money by the “customary” traditions. That is why they all cry that they are very poor. Every disciple has said, “I am poor”. That is why we are so poor, because of the “uncustomary acceptance of money”. Therefore, between people, we have to reverse our position and think from others’ position. We only need to pay attention on our own conduct. There is no need to think about what other people are saying about us.

Buddha Sakyamuni once said, ”If you talk too much, you will be criticized, and if you say too little, you will be criticized; if you say only what you need to say at-will you will be criticized, and if you never say anything, you will still be criticized.” From my personal point of view, I was in retreat for six years and never had any personal contact with any follow disciples. I spent from my own savings. For six years, nobody talked about me because I was in retreat. I did not conduct any Dharma ceremonies for six years. The criticism started immediately after I came out of my retreat. Even if I had never come out of retreat, the criticism would still be there, it was never gone. people still talk about you even if you are in retreat.

Chinese has an example of this kind of behavior: There was an older father and his young son, and they both were leading a horse. People started to talk, “You have a horse, why are you not riding on it?” So his son rode on the horse. People criticized that too, saying “What happened?· The young one is riding the horse while the old man has to walk. What a disrespectful child!” So they exchanged places, the older one rode on the horse and the young one led the horse. People still criticized them, “What happened? The father is enjoying himself on the horse, and the boy has to suffer.” Okay, there was no end to the criticism so, with no other choices left, they both rode on the horse. That led to abuse of the horse. With two people riding the horse, they were abusing it. Finally, they decided not to ride on the horse anymore and both of them got down from the horse.· But, people still criticized them for wasting an empty seat. Whatever they did, there was criticism. For the same reason, Buddha Sakyamuni said criticism is always there.· When there is criticism, we should try to correct ourselves. We use criticism as motivation. If we indeed made a mistake, we need to change our wrong conduct.· That is how cultivators should be.  Even though you are right, your heart should remain unmoved by the criticism. That is, your heart should be unwavering and not be displeased by the criticism. Like Shi Zun, between me and Shi Mu, we both are unmovable; it’s not the unmovable (like passing-on in life), we are still moving around. It is that whatever she says I don’t listen, and that is because whatever I say she also won’t listen. This represents unmovable, right? It just happened, we both are unmovable; we have both gained mutual respect for each other. Now that we both are cultivating, she corrects her own conduct, and I am also correcting my own conduct, and we both have achieved the unmovable stage. This is how it should be for couples.  So, trying to do things as perfectly as possible is also good to apply to interpersonal relationships.  Between people, we need to think positively. Like Master Lian Chuan just said, think positively, think on the good sides, and look at others’ good sides. We learn from others’ good sides and that is how a true cultivator should be, one who is trying to correct his or her own conduct.· As a spiritual cultivator, you need to correct your conduct, and understand that everything with which you come into contact is like a dream, an illusion. Besides you attaining your own Buddha hood, who else can really help you to attain Buddha hood? There is nobody else who can help you become a buddha other than yourself. So becoming a buddha is something that you need to prove for yourself. Although Shi Zun can help you, for example, by giving a Dharma talk to help you reach enlightenment so that you will know and understand the truth of the realization of enlightenment, to actually achieve and attain the realization of enlightenment still you must rely on your own cultivation.  As Shi Zun has cultivated and attained enlightenment, if I tell Shi Mu, this is what attaining enlightenment is all about she understands it. Since she cultivates too, then she has to prove for herself that she has already attained enlightenment. Shi Zun can prove this for himself, Shi Mu can prove for herself, but I cannot prove this for her, and she cannot prove for me. In the end, we all have to prove our own enlightenment for ourselves because this is self-realization and self-enlightenment.  Every one of us is like that. Therefore, we all need to cultivate to attain self-realization and self-enlightenment. As for criticism, well, it never ends. If we, the Seattle Ling Shen Ching Tze Temple, encountered someone’s criticism and we decided to close our doors and move to another location, or another state, even then, criticism would still exist. That is why I said forget it. criticism is everywhere, if we move to Canada, there will be someone in Canada who will criticize us. Where should we move? Maybe move to Africa?· I am telling you, there will be someone there to criticize you there. No matter where, there will be someone to criticize you. The only way to calm your heart is the Buddha Dharma. That is the teaching taught by Buddha Sakyamuni.

Because you have attained enlightenment, you know everything about this world. Then, your heart is unmoved, and then between couples, you remain unmoved, that’s how you can stay together until old age. Therefore, if you have the affinity to be together, if not repaying past debts, then it is revenge.  It is either a past enemy, or someone who owes you.  Spouses, brothers, sisters, parents, elders, even sons and daughters of your family members, they are all the same. The closer we are, as the relationship is either closer or distanced, the stronger the karmic affinity is.   Amongst spiritual cultivators, Buddha Dharma becomes our seasoning. You need to know how to season it, to perfect it, to correct it, and to cultivate it. In reality, these affinities are here to help us cultivate. Interpersonal relationships is a huge topic; it is very hard to master.· This evening, Rev. Lian Chio and Master Lian Chuan talked about the issues of getting along with each other. We should learn the goodness of sentient beings, and not to look at their badness. We should walk toward goodness, follow the path of goodness. Then, that is cultivation.

We are realizing the philosophy of “nothing to gain”, which was taught by the Buddha. Everything is like a dream, like an illusion. You train yourself and stabilize your heart to be very calm and unmoved. Whether by any kind of slander, pressure, or criticism, nothing can move your heart. Then you will attain the stage of unborn endurance. The unborn state of endurance is very easy to explain. It is no thought of endurance; there is no endurance at all. When you attain the stage of “there is no such thing as endurance”, then everything is bliss, a joy. This stage is very hard to attain. The thought of endurance never arises, every slander, pressure, and criticism never arises. These never appear in your heart.

Thank you very much. Om Mani Padme Hum!